For my blogger book club, which will meet for the first time
later this month, we’ve been reading, MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend, and as much as I hate to admit
it, I am relating more and more to Rachel, the author, as I read on.
If you’ve not heard about the book here’s the basic premise
so you’ll understand why I’m relating: Girl meets boy in college, they date long
distance between NYC and Philly for several years. (Mr.S & I did 1.5 years b/w DC & Richmond) Girl has
wonderful & deep friendships in NYC (aka
Richmond) complete with BFF’s, girl marries boy, and they move to Chicago,
where girl has few acquaintances and no BFF’s. After 3 years in Chicago and no
BFF in sight, girl decides to go on one friend date per week for a whole year
to meet new BFF’s. Thus is the book, documenting her quest, struggles, triumphs
and all that comes with a self-induced and self-fulfilling journey.
Written by Rachel Bertsche as an outlet for her quest and self-discovery for female
friendships, I find myself approaching 2 years in Washington this month, and
feeling much the same. I still venture back to Richmond for “Lady Pot-lucks”,
when I can, annual parties, girls-only weekends, birthdays and the like. These
frequent trips fulfilled me for a long time, and I never bothered to worry
about making any friends in DC, but since being gone from the city, for what
seems like an eternity, friendships have changed among the once strong group of
friends, phone calls have become less frequent
& texts go unanswered, and life moves on. This isn’t to say those
friendships are any less meaningful when we do get to catch-up, they are simply
less involved on a day-to-day basis. I find myself longing for those days when
yoga class with the girls was like clockwork; daily quick chats on the way home
from work about the latest drama, and grabbing dinner to dish on the latest
happenings, and dissecting our lives for hours was the norm.
I’ve found a few girl friends since moving to Washington,
mostly through Mr. S and his friends, but like myself, most of the ladies here
are married or engaged, or seriously dating someone, or in the full throws of
their demanding jobs or graduate school courses. Careers are more the focus for
everyone here, and there’s no second thought given to staying at the office
past 7 PM a few nights per week to “catch-up”, or to avoid the pains of the
latest Metro debacle. Not going out on Friday night so that they can venture
back to the office on Saturday morning is not out of the realm of normal here
either - yuck. Not to mention, between all that working & commuting
nightmares, people are squeezing in quality time with their significant other,
going to the gym, walking the dog, running errands, sitting in traffic,
blogging and keeping the house semi-organized – it’s exhausting.
Life changes...
I’m trying to find a groove between it all – maintaining my
long-distance friendships in earnest, cultivating new friends here in DC, and
keeping my relationship with my wonderful husband as amazing as the day we
married. It’s sad to realize that life is moving on and things won’t return to
how they were when we were 22, similar to Rachel does in her book, but I hold
those memories and relationships so very dear.
I started this blog as a way to share my writing and release
my stress from long days in corporate America, but I’ve come to realize that
it’s more than that. It has become a way for me to reach out and cultivate friendships; those I’ve made here in DC, my friends from Richmond and home, connect with people I’ve lost touch with, and
connect with new people, like my blogger book club.
I’m only half-way through the book, and at this point in the
read, Rachel is 6 months into her quest after 26 friend dates, and I’m feeling like I'm walking in her shoes – scheduling time to make new
meaningful friendships is as tough as holding on to the old
ones. But all of the above is worth every, minute of phone messages, quick texts,
coordinating crazy schedules way in advance, spare of the moment get togethers, mass-emails, Tweets
& Facebook posts – even if just to say “Hi” and “I’m thinking of you”. It
all counts for friendships new and old.
Think I saw this book last time I was at the bookstore. Very much intrigued after reading this post, and definitely understand what you're describing here!
ReplyDeleteI just read about that book last week and put it on my long list of books to read! How'd you get involved in a blogger book club? I've been trying to join a book club for ages!
ReplyDeleteHeather -
DeleteI'll email you! We are meeting next week if you'd like to join - it happened by accident and I've not met any of the girls before!
I would love to join!! hmbien@gmail.com
DeleteI am in a very similar situation. My friends from college are scattered all over the place, busy, and strapped for cash, so we don't see each other much. And I am trying to make a life for myself in the big city where my husband and I moved, but it is tiring to be "on" all the time and make plans! I feel your pain but also celebrate your successes as I begin to have my own. :-) I might need to check out that book!
ReplyDeleteLaura -
DeleteI highly recommend the book -it is awesome and sounds like it's certainly relatable for a young married lady like you and I! I wish you the best!
You have completely convinced me to buy this book. The idea of a once a week girl date sounds amazing. I really might try to do this... Oh how I love to meet new people!
ReplyDeleteMandy
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